Fifteen Years and Not Enough
With the temps threatening the lower 80s again today and my body aching from its first day at the driving range yesterday morning, I decided to head for the Oldsmar Flea Market just up the road from here in search of that Forest Gump Soundtrack. I misplaced the first disc of the two pack and haven't been able to find a replacement for nearly a year. Many searches at stores around the country and at various flea markets around the country have yielded nothing so my search here in Tampa didn't have me feeling any better at the start of the day.
It wasn't going any better either as I walked for more than an hour around the grounds and through the aisles of the flea market here even as I reached the farthest limits and began the return trip to the entrance where I had entered. However, when I reached the far end of the next to last aisle of the flea market to the west, I made a turn and found a booth with thousands of CDs and some old vinyl records and asked the operator if he might have the soundtrack to Forest Gump. He directed me to a couple tables where he thought it might be and I started searching the two eight foot tables (with two stacked levels of CDs) which I searched for 20 or 30 minutes before I finally found what I was looking for under the last stack of CDs (of course).
During the search, I came across a CD soundtrack of the "Titanic" and thought I should pick it up even if I didn't find the Forest Gump soundtrack and another CD of Mariah Carey's too. After so many searches for that elusive soundtrack, I was so relieved to have finally found that (my Christmas present to my self). Earlier, I had bought a Christmas present for the twins (a solar powered hummingbird toy). This amounted to the same expense for each of our Christmas presents ($5).
However, when I got back to the RV later and started to play that CD from the "Titanic" the waves that overcame me were overwhelming -- remembering nearly 15 years ago spending those weeks with my younger sister during her last weeks of life. Missing her still so much after all these years and just wishing she might still be here to share some of the fun times together. Missing the long talks we used to have during the troubled times we each had during our lives -- supporting each other as good friends and siblings. Oh, I miss that.
No way to fill that void or to rid my mind of changing her diapers (as an infant or as an adult) and playing that beautiful music she so loved -- until she passed away. So thankful I could be there with her and wish I could be with her again. If only.
It wasn't going any better either as I walked for more than an hour around the grounds and through the aisles of the flea market here even as I reached the farthest limits and began the return trip to the entrance where I had entered. However, when I reached the far end of the next to last aisle of the flea market to the west, I made a turn and found a booth with thousands of CDs and some old vinyl records and asked the operator if he might have the soundtrack to Forest Gump. He directed me to a couple tables where he thought it might be and I started searching the two eight foot tables (with two stacked levels of CDs) which I searched for 20 or 30 minutes before I finally found what I was looking for under the last stack of CDs (of course).
During the search, I came across a CD soundtrack of the "Titanic" and thought I should pick it up even if I didn't find the Forest Gump soundtrack and another CD of Mariah Carey's too. After so many searches for that elusive soundtrack, I was so relieved to have finally found that (my Christmas present to my self). Earlier, I had bought a Christmas present for the twins (a solar powered hummingbird toy). This amounted to the same expense for each of our Christmas presents ($5).
However, when I got back to the RV later and started to play that CD from the "Titanic" the waves that overcame me were overwhelming -- remembering nearly 15 years ago spending those weeks with my younger sister during her last weeks of life. Missing her still so much after all these years and just wishing she might still be here to share some of the fun times together. Missing the long talks we used to have during the troubled times we each had during our lives -- supporting each other as good friends and siblings. Oh, I miss that.
No way to fill that void or to rid my mind of changing her diapers (as an infant or as an adult) and playing that beautiful music she so loved -- until she passed away. So thankful I could be there with her and wish I could be with her again. If only.
posted by Ray at
4:01 PM
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